The Love Of A Baby.

This week has been a bit of a frustrating week.  I've had to leave school early Monday and Tuesday and I wasn't able to go at all yesterday.  Unfortunately, since I got on birth control, my body has been reacting badly.  My milk production has been decreasing but I thought it was because I wasn't eating my extra 500 calories or I wasn't drinking enough water.  It wasn't decreasing enough to worry me until early this week.  Alexis would get up screaming and would only calm down if I held her and rocked her and then I would feed her and she would act like she was starving.  I thought it couldn't be possible because I had been feeding her every two hours.  It turns out she really was hungry.  She would eat but there wasn't enough milk for her so she would wake up starving.  Yesterday it got to the point where I was trying to feed her every 45 minutes to an hour just to keep her satisfied.  I called my doctor and she said it was definitely the mini pill and I could either get off of it or stay on but take another pill called Regulin three times a day for two weeks.  Kort and I discussed it and we decided that I'd get off the pill completely and rely on a different form of birth control.  I don't think I've ever felt so helpless as yesterday.  Watching my baby cry from hunger was the most awful thing I could imagine.  I finally broke down and bought some formula and tried to give it to her.  She wouldn't take it.  She kept spitting it out and making a sour face and screaming.  She got so hungry she drank about 1/2oz of the formula.  I used my breast pump all throughout the day and managed to get 2oz out.  Throughout this whole time, I was extremely sad and frustrated and crying.  Alexis reached up and touched my face, my cheeks, my mouth, my nose, and would smile at me and talk to me.  It was as if she was comforting me.  Kort got home and held her and all she wanted to do was touch me, smile and talk to me.  She knew I was having an off day and she was there for Mommy.  It touched my heart in the deepest way.  Kort says that she was just doing what I do for her when she's upset or having an off day.  She was loving on Mommy like Mommy loves on her.